REAL.

Okay, let's be real.  Well, you don't have to be, but I'm going to.  Sometimes because Brandon and I are in YWAM, we get labeled.  We get labeled as 'put together'.  Like we have it all figured out.  Maybe people actually have told us that they assume we are, or maybe they've alluded to it... or maybe its just been a feeling that we perceive.  I'm here to break the news to ya... we're not.

Nope, not at all.

If you come to our home randomly... its bound to be messy.  We aren't messy people, but when you live in a 250sq.ft. space, even the most OCD person will appear messy.  There are goldfish crumbs tucked away in hidden places.  Blame it on the baby.  I have a bad habit of not putting away our clothes... they might get folded one day, and then maybe a week or two later I'll get around to putting them in their drawers or hung in the closet.  Brandon's socks end up everywhere.... literally... EVERYWHERE.

We have insecurities.  Tons of them.

We teach and disciple others to be like Christ, but sometimes being Christ-like is hard for us.

We have been known to cry on many occasions because we can't afford the things we see others affording.  YWAM is not glamorous.  Its humbling.  Counting pennies is humbling.  Trusting can be humbling.  Yes we do get to travel to other places around the world... but only because other people have given financially in order for us to go.  And trust me, we don't travel to 5-star resorts.... no air-conditioning, local food, public transportation, hostels, and... oh... don't even think about flushing your toilet paper.  We sacrifice a lot.  But we receive a huge blessing through living this way:  our finances never feel like they belong to us, we steward what we are given, and we trust that God will continue to provide through others.... its actually a beautiful thing.

We fight.  C'mon, we're married.  Some great lessons have come from the times we've fought... learning to love, learning to forgive, learning to choose one another.

We've made bad choices....  and had to reap the consequences of those choices.  But I'd like to think we're getting wiser... hopefully  :)

We are new parents.  You can tell because when Shiloh tests a new limit, sometimes I will have a blank expression on my face... which is me realizing, "I have no idea what to do.".  We have made many mistakes (sorry Shiloh).  I wonder how many children it will take until we get this whole 'parent' thing down?

Those are real statements.  YWAM doesn't make us different.  Truthfully, if you are a believer, then you are in full-time missions... in your family, in your school, in your community... we are all.  I'm no different than you.

{If you're wondering where this is all coming from, our Leadership Team here in YWAM is reading "The Emotionally Healthy Church".  If you want to be convicted... its the book for you!  :)  Its been a wonderful tool as God has been speaking to be about being open, honest, and vulnerable.}

I Have A Daughter

She is blurry in real life.  I guess 1 year olds never stop moving.

I was spending time praying the other night... and had a creative moment.  I wrote this poem (no, it doesn't rhyme), the inspiration came from what I wrote about in the last post.

I have a daughter.

She plays gently.

She squeals and giggles.

I have a daughter.

She is loved.

She will sometimes wear pink.

Sometimes she'll have ribbons in her hair.

Maybe she'll play dress-up.

And have imaginary tea parties.

She'll learn about Jesus.

And what is means to love.

She will sometimes not match.

Sometimes she'll have dirt under her nails.

Maybe she'll play a sport.

And have bruises and cuts.

She'll learn about life.

And what is means to work hard.

One day she might marry.

She'll trade her last name for a new one.

One day she might leave me.

And have babies of her own.

She will always be my daughter.

She will always be loved.

She is beautiful.

She is precious.

She is intelligent.

She is strong.

She is loved.

She is.

If she had been born into another family,

on the other side of the world...

would she be seen differently?

I have a daughter.

And she is loved.

Here is another quote from the book, Nurturing the Nations, by Darrow Miller:

"An Indian proverb says, "Bringing up a daughter is like watering a plant in another's courtyard."" (pg.56)

"In some Islamic countries, the community commonly celebrates when a baby boy is born.  The birth of a baby girl, however, prompts mourning and tears." (pg.60)

As a woman, it makes me hurt deeply.  Having a beautiful daughter, I hurt even more deeply.  My prayer is that God would open my eyes to see women how He sees them... and perhaps He would use me to share that message with others...

(I'd like to just take a minute to say that although the quotations from the book, Nurturing the Nations, come from reliable sources, research, personal testimonies, and other books... I am in no way making judgements to condemn anyone.  Just because there is a trend found in a country does not mean that say, my neighbor and friend who is from that country associates with these beliefs or behaviors.)

A Raw Look At Women {inspired by the book, Nurturing the Nations}

***Disclaimer:  Some of the content is graphic.

I have been reading this book:

Nurturing the Nations:  Reclaiming the Dignity and Divine Role of Women in Building Healthy Cultures,  by Darrow L. Miller with Stan Guthrie.

Great book.  I am only half way into it.  Did I mention that its a great book?

Its a tough book.  Not tough as in "too many big words".  But tough as in "extremely honest and raw".

Here is a quote from the book,

"The female child is often unwanted before birth and aborted.  If she survives her mother's womb, she faces neglect and malnourishment.  Frequently denied an education and health care, she often becomes a child laborer.  She may be molested, raped, sold into prostitution, or married at an unconscionably young age.  Malnourishment is common, even while she is pregnant.  Overworked and under-appreciated, she may be beaten or humiliated by her husband or other men, even to the point of murder.  If not, she could be abandoned as a widow, forced to scratch out a living on the outskirts of society, with no family or social safety net to provide for her." (pg. 20)

And another,

"Rape is often used as a weapon of war, particularly in situations of ethnic cleansing.  Many of the wars in sub-Saharan Africa are marked by wanton rape of girls and young women.  This not only terrorizes the population into submission, but it is a means to ethnically "cleanse" a tribe by producing a generation of babies from the dominating group.  While rape as an act of war has happened throughout history, in recent years it has been documented in seven countries, not all of them African."  (pg. 22)

Raw.

Its a great book.  I recommend it.  Twice over recommend it.

I teach on Ethics here, where I cover topics such as abortion, population control, and misogyny... so this book is full of insight and factual information regarding those topics.

These things happen.  Are happening.  I've seen some.  Friends I know have witnessed some.  I am not sure how I could even begin to be part of an answer.... but reading and learning is a good place for me to start.

"So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him;  male and female He created them."  ~Genesis 1:27